How Do I React When My Friend Tells Me He’s Anti-Feminist?

This is a problem I faced a few weeks ago when I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships between men and women. We didn’t know each other very well at that point and we had only hung out a handful of times but he began to share some opinions that concerned me. The ideas he was expressing were sexist and upholding gender roles. As a Women’s Studies major I didn’t love that. So I pressed him further to deduce if these were actually his opinions or just what he had been taught and never reconsidered. He made it clear that he actually does believe that men are inherently superior to women. So that’s cool.

I really wanted him to not actually be a sexist so I wanted to make very sure that I was not jumping to conclusions based on what he was saying. I asked him how he feels about feminism and he felt negatively about it. I know the stereotype so I understood the reaction and explained that feminism is often misunderstood as being anti-men or working toward domination of men by women, but it is actually about ending the oppression of all groups; not just women, and about securing equality for everyone. With that said, I clarified, asking him if he is just not an avid supporter of feminism or if he is against it. As it turns out, he is against it.

I was taken aback and didn’t know how to proceed. He said that we should just agree to disagree, and I nodded my head in the interest of ending the conversation. As I continued to consider it, though, I realized that I cannot agree to disagree with him on this. I cannot validate his opinion that I am inferior to him because of my sex by agreeing to disagree. I will not consent to my own oppression by accepting his subjugation of me.

So, I decided not to be friends with him anymore. Knowing that he sees me as inferior to him makes me feel unsafe and disrespected, and I try to avoid people who make me feel that way. My problem with him is not just that he believes I should be oppressed because I am a woman, but also that he remains willfully ignorant of the experiences of others and vehemently averse to reconsidering his own beliefs. That kind of person is not growing and does not add to my growth, and I choose not to engage with those who are intellectually stagnant.